Daria and Stacy
by Shiva-J
Summary: What if Daria's younger sister was Stacy, and was a better sister than Quinn ever was? Posted in response to Iron Chef Challenge 'Stacy Morgendorffer'.
1. Daria and Stacy (Pt 1)

**Daria and Stacy**

In the back oftheir father's new dark blue Lexus, Daria did her best to tune out her father'sramblings, but it was proving for naught.

"...And I know that moving to anew town can be scary." Jake Morgendorffer said as he drove down the streets of the Morgendorffer's new hometown.

Lawndale, Maryland.

"Yeah, you mention that before," a voice cut in from the passenger side seat, "But we'll be ok."

Jake laughed and found his response cut off by his younger daughter when she turned on the car radio and turned the volume up.

Daria smirked, unseen by her sister in the front, until she leaned forward and told her to put it on classic rock.

"Why?" she asked while tucking her long dark brown braid to the other shoulder.

"So he stays distracted Stacy." Daria replied.

Stacy Morgendorffer snorted and quickly found a station playing the best of Black Sabbath, and even more quickly did the parental unit fall under it's spell.

Daria sighed in relief, hoping for a more pleasant road trip.

Stacy used the rear-view mirror to check on her big sister, in her combat boots, ratty jeans, black Nine Inch Nails shirt, glasses, but nicely combed auburn hair.

She unknowingly returned Daria's smirk from earlier and thought once again, "God my sister's cool."

Then she caught sight of their new school, a big red brick building, Lawndale High.

"I hope this place is better than Highland High," Stacy muttered to herself, "Then again, a sewage treatment plant is better than that place."

She heard a chuckle from behind the seat and realized that her sister had heard that.

"Correct once more Stacy." Daria said from the back as their dad pulled up to the curb, both Morgendorffer sisters ignored the last of his 'advice' and climbed out of the car.

In front of the entrance a few of the local kids were hanging out before the start of classes, Stacy gave them the  
once over and thought to herself, "Populars, avoid at all costs."

As she and Daria walked by, ignoring the curious looks and the mutters of "fresh meat", the only sign of emotional reaction on either of their parts was Stacy tugging on her braid a bit.

Daria glanced at her little partner in crime, in her blue jeans, trainers, and pink top with a happy bunny with the words "Cute but Psycho: It Evens Out" and nudged her a bit.

Stacy realized what she was doing and let go, realizing that she had been giving her poor hair a death grip.

They went in without a word uttered.

* * *

It was with relief that Stacy found Ms. Defoe's room without too much trouble, even considering the unhelpful tour from Principal Li, and the even more pathetic 'psychiatric evaluation' from the fake Doctor.

But it was fun to sit back and let her big sister cut the bitch down to size.

The first thing that Stacy noticed was that the teacher was clearly an ex-hippie, but she gave her the note from Manson without a word and only half-paid attention to Defoe's  
introduction.

Even at half-capacity it was obvious that at least one teacher at this school cared about their students and the subject they were teaching.

"I'll have you set up next to Kristen over there," Defoe said and it took Stacy a minute to realize that she had finished speaking.

"Oh sorry about that." Stacy told her with a shrug, ignoring the chuckles from her new classmates at her seemingly ditzy behavior.

Kristen as it turned out was a girl with styled black hair, black clothes and makeup, and severe black eyes to match.

Oddly enough she was chatting to a nerdy girl named Cindy, with short cut reddish hair, trapezoid glasses, and a mauve shirt.

They both gave her a nod of acknowledgement but otherwise left her alone for a minute, letting the new girl get her bearings.

She took in the subject, a couple musical instruments on a small table and began to work on it.

From the corner of her eye she saw the other girl's work and couldn't resist a comment, "Not bad."

Kristen replied without looking from her canvass,  
"Thank you... Stacy right?"

"Yes." she replied simply.

"Need any help?" Kristen offered, since the project had started yesterday, leaving the new girl a bit behind.

"Nah, I'm good." Stacy replied but then added, "But could you tell me if Defoe is a sign of things to come at this school?"

Kristen and Cindy both chuckled, "We wish."

Stacy visibly winced and asked, "How bad is it?"

They told her about their other teachers, in graphic detail, and by the end they had the new girl snickering,  
"You're just pulling my leg... right?"

Kristen and Cindy both looked at each other before giving Stacy matching evil grins.

"You'll see..."

* * *

In the Morgendorffer's new pad, long after school had let out, Daria and Stacy were watching Sick, Sad World together in the living room, the new big screen TV a vast improvement over the old set, which now had pride of place in Daria's new padded room.

Yes, a padded room, of which there was only one and had nearly caused the two normally congenial siblings to come to blows, before their mother, Helen threatened to redecorate unless they settled it with a coin toss.

Daria won.

Stacy believed she cheated somehow.

Alas broadcast commercialism cut into their show with their advertisements, but it did give them the chance to talk.

"Our new school sucks even worse than the last one." Daria stated to get the ball rolling.

"Normally I'd have you committed for saying that," Stacy replied without missing a beat, "But considering that we both go to Lawndale High, I'm forced to agree with you."

They both shuddered.

And compared battle-scars.

Then towards the end Stacy added, "I did meet two girls in my art class that were decent enough, it gives me hope that there actually is intelligent life in the universe."

Daria gave a tiny hint of a smile, "A miracle if there was no other."

The sounds of the phone ringing from the kitchen cut through the sounds of the TV, but it was answered by one of their parents who were eating dinner.

The Morgendorffer parents had long since given up trying to get their two daughters to eat at the same time that they did, then again regular mealtime was non-existent in this family.

Not that their mother was one to give up, unless her boss called, it was already as bad as it used to be in Highland.

Then they heard said mother call out from the kitchen, "Daria, could you come in here for a minute?"

Stacy couldn't resist asking, "Try any of those old Shakespearian insults on a new group of idiots?"

Her sister managed to put a smirk in her reply while getting off the couch, "Good idea, I'll do that tomorrow."

Stacy followed her in, her eyes taking in the brightly lit room and focused on her two parents, still in their office clothes, and showing the usual signs of wear and tear from the Corporate World.

From the background, Stacy listened in and learned that Daria's stunt with 'Dr.' Manson was coming back to bite, in the form of a 'Self-Esteem Class'.

"You do realize that Daria's esteem is fine, right?" Stacy offered in defense, already knowing that it was in vain.

Their mother was a pit-bull about getting them to 'mingle and bond' with their peers.

Even though all of the 'peers' they had encountered in life were either jerks, idiots, shallow, or jerky shallow idiots.

Once all was said and done, Stacy whispered to her sister as they left their parents to their meal, "I feel your pain."

Daria came back with, "No you don't, you're not taking the course."

Stacy just shrugged, unable to deny it.

"I'll find us a pizza place to decompress in afterward." She offered instead as they went back to Sick, Sad, World-land.

It was better than reality at any rate.


	2. Daria and Stacy (Pt 2)

**Daria and Stacy (Pt. 2)**

"Ahhh," Stacy moaned exaggeratedly before biting into her pizza and swallowing a bite, "This town might be a suburb without a city, but at least it has a Pizza Prince."

Kristen polished off a breadstick and replied, "At least someone has their priorities straight."

She was looking at Cindy as she said this, who was nibbling at a salad in lieu of greasy food.

"Yeah I do," she replied without missing a beat, "It's hard enough trying to lose a little weight without putting greasy food in your system."

Kristen chuckled and said to Stacy in a faux whisper, "She'll hold to this for a day or two before the siren song calls her back."

"I heard that!" Cindy retorted but was unable to suppress a grin.

After having endured her second day at Lawndale High, Stacy thought to herself, 'This is exactly what the doctor ordered.'

It didn't seem possible, but now that the new car smell had faded away, the teachers and the bulk of the student body sucked even worse than the first day.

Her English teacher, O'Neill was an even lamer version of Van Driessen, Barch belonged in a mental hospital, and the girl's PE Coach was worse than a drill instructor _and_ had the habit of 'monitoring' everyone in the locker room that bordered on visual rape.

If it wasn't for the bright lights of Defoe's Art class and her history teacher DeMartino, she would have considered the entire faculty to be a wash.

The student body wasn't much better, the cliques were even more segregated than the ones in Highland and the bulk of them were filled to the brim with idiots and posers.

If it wasn't for Cindy and Kirsten pointing out some older kids that were intelligent, she would have crawled into the same shell she used in Highland.

With room for only one person, Daria.

Stacy felt her spidy sense tingle and looked up at the door just in time to see her big sister come in and did a double take.

Striding in with Daria was a girl with short cut black hair, ear piercings, red lipstick, a black shirt that was mostly covered by a red lab coat, shorts with black leggings, and combat boots.

"Hi Daria!" Stacy said as they approached, Kristen and Cindy wore twin facial expressions of surprise at seeing Lawndale's resident loner, Jane Lane in the company of another human being.

The two sophomores took seats with the three freshman and after offerings of food were made (Daria and Jane made appreciative noises), the conversation started the flow.

"So how was the 'Self-Esteem Class'?" Stacy asked.

"It was taught by Mr. O'Neill." Jane stated flatly, as though it was explaination enough.

For Kristen and Cindy at least, it _was_ explaination enough.

Stacy on the other hand needed a moment to make the connection and began to say, "No way... I mean he is a touchy feely emotional wuss, but not even the likes of Li would be dumb enough to have him teach a psychological course without some understanding of what he was doing."

There was a long moment of silence.

Stacy's jaw dropped.

"Eeep!" was all that Stacy managed to say.

There was a pause that was filled by Daria, "Don't worry sis, me and Jane are busting out tomorrow."

"Yeah," Jane added, "I've got the answers to the exit test in my trusty notebook, so we're going to pull a fast one on O'Neill and get the hell out of there."

Stacy gave Jane a small smirk, the girl's stock had gone up.

But Cindy had to ask, "Uh... How'd you get the answers?"

Jane replied, "I've been forced into the course six times by Manson, something about my anti-social outlook being the result of low self-esteem."

Stacy snickered, "If having low self-esteem makes a person anti-social then count me in."

Jane leaned towards the older Morgendorffer sister and whispered, "I like your little sister."

"Me too."


	3. Daria and Stacy (Pt 3)

**Daria and Stacy (Pt. 3)**

The entire student body of Lawndale High were sitting in the auditorium, being forced to endure an assembly that Mr. O'Neill had _somehow_ talked Li into holding.

Watching the proceedings with their fellow prisoners, Stacy, Cindy, and Kristen had snagged prime seats in the back to better avoid their crappy classmates.

"Is O'Neill doing this to punish your sister?" Cindy couldn't resist asking while Li took advantage of her captive audience to rant about missing money.

Money that anyone with half a brain could realize was most likely misappropriated by Ms. Li herself.

But any excuse for taking DNA samples, right?

Stacy sighed, "Not really sure, if he was anyone else then I would say yes, but in the case of this idiot I suspect that he honestly believes that this is helping. Somehow."

Kristen gave the two students on stage looks of sympathy, after all if it hadn't been for O'Neill's need to validate his 'work' then their plan to get out of the Esteem Class would have gone off without a hitch.

Now here they all were, being forced to endure a 'graduation ceremony'.

"At least it got us out of Maths." Kristen muttered to herself as O'Neill took the podium and began to talk.

Everyone did their best to tune it out; otherwise it would drive them insane.

Thankfully he stopped talking at some point and motioned for Jane and Daria to speak.

Cindy and Kristen noticed the evil smirk on Stacy's face and wondered what it was about.

Jane approached with a shrug and began to speak, giving rather bland statements to an uncaring assembly.

During this a girl with carrot red hair nearby muttered, "It beats algebra but who cares about these losers, right Tiffany?"

"Riiiiggghhhtttt." drawled the cow-like voice of what could be assumed to be this 'Tiffany' girl.

Kristen shuddered at the thought of having something in common with one of the 'popular girls'.

Stacy's smirk grew more twisted when she noticed Jane winking in Daria's direction.

Then everyone in Lawndale High got to witness Jane turn on the histrionics.

As she began to rant about how everyone knowing that she had had low self-esteem made her feel bad, the audience began to chuckle.

Stacy suspected that only the really stupid students were buying the act, the rest were just amused at Jane's ham acting.

"Like my friends." she thought with a glance at Cindy and Kristen, both of whom were barely keeping their composure.

Jane then gave a massive fake sob and began running from the podium, which caused the King of Wussdom to begin crying himself.

Daria then took the podium.

In bored tones she began to speak.

"No one can battle a terrible problem like low self-esteem on their own. It takes good coaching..."

She stopped for a moment before giving a massive yawn.

"Sorry, I'm not good at faking that I care, or reading out loud meaningless buzzwords to make a certain teacher feel self-important."

This got everyone's attention.

"If you want to know the truth about self-esteem, it's quite simple. Self-esteem doesn't come from feeling good about yourself, after all it's been proven that serial killers have good self-esteem."

Stacy and Co. noticed that Li was like a deer in the headlights, O'Neill was still absorbed into his crying fit and hadn't really noticed a thing.

"Self-esteem comes from accomplishment, which for me is surviving this hellhole with level head intact."

Daria then gave a very slight smile, "But it does help if you have a friend or two at your side, or a sibling that truly loves you."

Cindy and Kristen both looked at their friend, who for her part looked deeply touched.

Daria then gave a sarcastic smirk, "Thank you all for your time, and go Lions."


	4. Daria and Stacy (Pt 4)

**Daria and Stacy (Pt. 4)**

The mood at a certain occupied table at Pizza Prince was that of a triumph.

Five teenage girls indulged in the Italian pie, and to the amazement of everyone else in the pizzeria, they were chatting lively.

"If I hadn't been there I wouldn't have believed it for a second." Kristen confessed while wiping pizza sauce off her mouth.

Cindy chuckled, "Not even if it was filmed?"

Everything at the table seemed to stop and four girls stared at the pudgy sweetheart.

Cindy smirked, "Oh, did I mention that a couple of guys from AV Club were asked by 'someone' to film the assembly?"

"...No way." Jane breathed, her eyes wide with surprise.

Cindy's smirk grew, "Way, and guess who's getting a copy tomorrow?"

"Think we can get copies as well?" Stacy asked while pointing at her sister.

"Oh I'm sure I can wrangle a copy for everyone." Cindy replied, her smirk filled with evilness and mirth.

Daria leaned towards Stacy and said quietly, "I think me and your friends are going to get along just fine."

Stacy glanced at Jane before saying back, "Same here, sis."

Daria gave a Mona Lisa grin, before nibbling at her pizza.

A little while later, when the topic was finally exhausted, Jane said, "Well if you guys are in the mood for another stupid adventure, I heard that there's a UFO convention coming to Lawndale tomorrow. Wanna crash it and give it the grand sneer?"

"Hmm... UFO believers, possible abductees, salesmen selling overpriced merchandise to suckers..." Daria began to recite.

Stacy cut her off with, "Sounds like the place to be."

Kristen and Cindy both chuckled.

Jane replied, "Cool, well actually the place itself won't be cool, but it's a way to get new material to make fun of."

Kristen then added slyly, "Or something new to paint, right?"

Jane gave a slight grin of her own, "You are catching on quick, young grasshopper."

"If Kristen's a grasshopper, can I be a locust?" Cindy asked.

For some reason a girl at the next table heard the last comments and yelled, "Ewww! Bugs?! Waiter, check please!"

Daria saw a flash of red hair and dismissed whoever it was by instinct.

Jane just raised an eyebrow before moving on with, "Sure, and I get to be a Black Widow, Stacy is the Praying Mantis, and Daria..."

Jane struggled to come up with something that fit her new, bespeckled friend.

"A Tsetse Fly," Daria supplied, "If I have to be a bug, I want to be something that bites, sucks blood, spreads disease, and is hated by all."

Stacy just shook her head and laughed while thinking that was such a Daria thing to say.

"So anywho," Jane replied, "We five bugs crash the place of little green men, maybe see if there really is intelligent life out there."

"Doubt it." Daria and Stacy said in unison.

Kristen just shook her head before asking if either of them wanted to finish off the breadsticks.


	5. Daria and Stacy (Pt 5)

**Daria and Stacy (Pt. 5)**

"My God," Cindy breathed as she took in the sights, "This place reeks of paranoia, smarm, liars, and greed."

"Are you describing this here UFO convention or Mos Eisley?" Stacy asked her friend as they made up the tail end of the group of five at the 5th Annual Lawndale UFO Convention.

Cindy shrugged, "Maybe both."

Inside the ballroom of the local MerryWells Motel there were stalls filled with tacky knickknacks ranging from dolls, shirts, coffee mugs, pennants, action figures, and every kind of object imaginable beyond that.

All of which were covered in logos of the Little Green Men, or the Men in Black, and had knockoff X-Files quotes on them to seem more profound.

And they were marked up and overpriced to obscene levels.

"Oh look," Jane pointed out to the others, "There's a cardboard alien and they are only charging five bucks for a picture with it."

"No look at that!" Daria answered and indicated towards a life sized reproduction of an alien autopsy.

"Should we get the overpriced black helicopter logo tea set or the overpriced reproduction anal probes?" Kristen asked as she stopped at a stall selling things that bordered on the obscene.

All five girls look at each other and yelled as one, "Anal probes!"

Nearby a nerdy guy with greasy red hair and acne heard this and looked at them with horror dawning in his eyes.

To anyone that watched Sick, Sad World he would be instantly recognizable as Artie the Alien Nut, a regular interview subject.

"Oh no, they're here!" Artie screamed and pointed at the girls wildly, "The Aliens are amongst us! Run! Run for your lives! AHHHHH!"

As the crowd of believers began to panic, and caused the non-believers who had come to gawk to begin heading towards the exits, which in turn began to transform into a stampede to save themselves from alien probes.

The group of five just stood stoically and took this in, and then Daria shrugged and turned back to the stall and asked the frozen dude at the register to give them five reproduction anal probes.

As Artie really began to freak out and started to call them 'Alien Love Goddesses from Zippotron', Stacy noticed that security was sweeping in towards them and smirked.

"Alien Love Goddess hey?" Stacy said to herself as one of the guards fired a Taser at Artie, who seemed somewhat immune to its effects.

"I'm willing to be one if it comes with sexy outfits that come with lasers and combat boots." Jane spoke up from nearby.

While Daria made a face, the others giggled, though that could have been due to Artie being shot with three more Taser guns and pepper sprayed.

One of the guards looked at them for about half a second before shrugging and turning back to something more interesting, beating the nutcase of the moment into total submission.

"It's nice that people to share this with." Stacy thought to herself as she stood with her friends and just watched the madness unfold right before her eyes.

She then glanced at Daria, reveling in this even more than herself and added that even if they didn't have a friend in the world, they at least had each other.

It ensured that no matter how much the world sucked, there was always someone there to make it seem to suck just a little bit less.

"We are never alone." Stacy whispered to herself softly as Artie calmed down enough for the guards to cuff him.

At her side, Cindy was looking at Stacy curiously having heard that, but found herself smiling at the random thought for some reason.

"I wonder if this'll make Sick, Sad World?" Daria thought aloud, unknowingly creating a break in that little moment.

"I hope so!" Everyone else said in unison as Artie was dragged away, still muttering about the Alien Love Goddesses.

**FIN**


End file.
